| Get out of my head, bitch. You're the one who's "uninvited". |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|03:15 pm] |
I was going to share some sort of thoughts on LJ...but I don't think that's going to happen. Well, I'll share them...but they'll be disjointed and non-sensical. I'm fucking tired. That's my excuse.
Suck a doe.
I came to a number of realizations over the past few days, weeks, months...whatever the hell it is. It's all a goddamn blur. Whooooosh. Anywho, I feel like sharing, 'cause I'm tired and retarded.
1. I absolutely hate, loathe, abhor, detest, FUCKING despise having to spend my money on necessary things. I'm serious. It's like I'm yanking out a piece of my soul every time I have to fork over a penny towards something that isn't completely trivial. How sad is that?
2. I've tossed a lot of potentially good friendships with members of the opposite sex to the wind. Maybe not so much recently, but as I think back (a bad fucking habit) on my life, I realize there were a number of times I had a "good thing going" and pretty much fucked it up by being a careless prick. I really need to stop thinking...
Yeah...that's it for revelations. I was going to ramble on about my dad calling me and imposing some stupid-ass shit on me...but I really don't feel like it.
Ugh.
Why do I bother?
Honestly? |
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| Something something something and a whole lot of nothing |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|09:45 am] |
So this morning I think to myself, "I should quickly play some Aion before my roommate gets up..." and as I near his computer he says simply, "No."
Apparently he needs to use the computer which is fine and dandy and all, but the hopelessly lazy fucker still isn't out of bed yet and probably won't be for the next two hours so I find it hard to understand what was so pressing about him using the computer. Oh...wait...what's this? I hear him walking heavily across the room like a club-footed toddler. Perhaps he IS awake after all. By Jove, it's a miracle...
Anyway...
I was going to try writing about something "interesting" in my journal, since the past number of entries have simply been about how I've had nothing to say. Or maybe that's just how it seems, or I've been at this page far too many times and never ended up posting anything...could be something along those lines. Fuck if I know...
My paternal grandfather is in the hospital. It's not because he's dying or anything like that. No, he's just lost what was left of his marbles and he's on a waiting list now to get into a care home. You know what the funny thing about this is? I don't feel sorry for him.
Imagine, if you will, a man whose ego was so inflated that he believed he was doing God a favor by simply existing. A man who seemed to be in short supply of pity, regret, or remorse and who was never wrong, and God help you if you ever dared to question that fact. Now imagine this same person can no longer take a shit by himself and gets lost when he leaves the room he was in.
Funny how the world works, isn't it?
If nothing else, this sort of thing reminds me just how important it is that I never reach that age. I mean, honestly...who the fuck wants to get old? I know most people just "accept" it as a natural part of life, albeit with as much cosmetic and pharmaceutical bullshit as possible, but to me that seems more like giving up. Or if not "giving up", then simply throwing the match. It's like after a certain age it suddenly becomes "okay" to lose to the deterioration of your mind and body and you adopt a "laissez-faire" attitude towards the prospect of no longer remembering who you are or being able to sit up in bed without nearly dying from a coughing fit.
You know what?
Fuck. That.
I'm checking out at 40 and I'm not exactly choosey about the circumstances.
As long as it's over and done with... |
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| I'd rather be bored by myself than bored with others...at least then I can masturbate. |
[Oct. 13th, 2009|09:26 am] |
I had that thought in my head kicking around for a while, and I figure the people who read this won't be any more offended by that than any of the other crap that comes out of my mouth (fingers?).
I was going to talk about my job, but I really don't want to. Other than to mention that I turned down full-time (that was the obvious choice) and that the resident twat (there's actually two, but I think everyone hates this one more...) took two weeks off for "stress leave". What a stupid fucking woman...
I'm only making an entry 'cause I haven't done one in a while. Nothing new in my life...as always. I should go check the mail.
I WANT MAH MELTY BLOODZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. |
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| "I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!" |
[Sep. 21st, 2009|04:09 pm] |
I had a disturbing dream last night/this morning...as usual. In it I was beating on my brother for some reason and at one point I punched him in the forehead with one of those cigarette lighters you find in cars. Man, that was fucked up...
So I wasted money on eHarmony yesterday. I'm not going to say how much, but I think it's safe to say that any amount of money is too much money. Oh well. I don't even know why the fuck I bother. Must be because I'm lonely and pathetic or something. How sad...
I got a call from PNP Games today. Back in April they made a serious fuck-up and couldn't find the game disc for a game I had purchased, so they promised me that they would call me once they actually had a copy. Unfortunately, I got impatient and decided to buy the game off of eBay and while I'm not sure I really saved myself any money, I still got my game when I wanted it. I thanked the guy for calling though. At least he still pulled through, even though it was many months after the fact.
I want to quit my job, but I really don't feel like looking for something else. What I SHOULD be doing (first and fucking foremost) is taking my road test and getting a valid driver's licence so I can actually DO the job I have lined up for this spring. Now THAT would be a fucking brilliant idea. *sighs*
It's kind of sad that my future and decisions I plan to make for it rest solely on something that'll "probably" happen in the near-future. Although, really, I suppose that's not much worse than anyone else who plans their entire career path straight out of high school based on the idea that NOTHING will deviate from the course they've plotted and that everything will work out 100% okay. I suppose it's some small comfort knowing that I'm not the only idiot out there...
I really don't know why I quoted Devil May Cry for the name of the entry. I think it was the first random quote that came to mind or something. Oh well.
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! |
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| Setting the standards for losers everywhere... |
[Sep. 5th, 2009|07:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Canada, Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Moonlight Densetsu | ] |
I feel unclean right now. Spiritually unclean, that is...for lack of a better way of putting it. I'm not one of those people who really believes in the idea of "sinful" thoughts or behaviors, but I do believe in the existence of thoughts and behaviors that stoop below a certain moral level and fall into the category of "despicable". Well, maybe that's not quite the right way to put it either, but I'm definitely disappointed in myself for having such thoughts. And yes, I will get to the point eventually, as much as I love keeping everyone in suspense.
I had a really strong urge to have sex with someone.
Now, there are any number of reasons why a person could consider this to be wrong ("But c'mon...it's SEX!") and I suppose that's a really vague way of putting it...so I guess I COULD elaborate further.
Imagine your potential stepmother/stepfather (no one's married yet, only engaged) has a foster son/daughter (this person is really in no way related to you) who has a strong crush on you. Now imagine said foster child is mentally behind by a few years (even though your real age is pretty close) and has a history of childhood sexual abuse that has rendered any sort of sexual inhibition defunct. Now imagine wanting to have sex with this person.
Yes, I'm disgusted with myself and I hate myself. I should be put down like an animal. Fucking shot in the back of the head...
I think what shocked me the most was how strong the urge was. I think this whole "3 years without sex" thing has started to severely affect my judgment. It's like my morals have suddenly taken a nose-dive and any sort of "standards" I had set for myself got flushed down the toilet. I don't know if it was simply because I was bored (try sitting with someone for 2 hours with nothing to talk about) or because the realization that I COULD get it if I wanted it was enough to waive anything remotely resembling a "conscience", but what I DO know is that it happened. And by God, do I hate myself.
The worst part is...
I still want it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2009|08:59 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Canada, Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Imperial Code - BlazBlue OST | ] |
I've been having a lot of "ex-girlfriend dreams" and I think that's an indication that my mood is going to become extremely shitty soon. Well, it already did actually but it seems to be mostly okay now. Yay music and painkillers! Or maybe it's just being in the relative safety and comfort of my own home. That might help. God I'm sick of driving to Steinbach... *ramble ramble*
I was going to elaborate on some of those dreams a bit further, but I'm not entirely sure I feel like it. They were fucked-up and not really in the good way. Well, okay...I guess it WAS the good way but since it's a dream it's really only something that can torture you and not anyone else, and it's no fun when you can't share. *grins* Oh well.
Gah. Why am I awake? Stupid brain...
Blarf. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2009|09:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Whatever | ] |
I felt like it was time to do one of these things. Not that anyone reads them (one person, yet again...) but I suppose I'm weird like that.
My mom got remarried last weekend, my dad's getting remarried next year, and my brother is having a fourth kid in a few months. It seems I'm the only one without any "news", which as far as I'm concerned, isn't really such a bad thing. Attachments are a pain-in-the-ass...
Ugh...I'm bored. And I need a poop. And I'm tired. And I have to work.
Woe is me.
Woe is whoever is unfortunate enough to read this... |
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| "Die monster! You don't belong in this world!" |
[Jul. 31st, 2009|05:35 pm] |
I've been quoting that scene from Symphony of the Night for a while now. I need to make a list of the best video game quotes yet. I also wanted to make one for best movie endings. Maybe some day...
Nothing much in my world. My Camaro continues to cost me money, my Grand Prix seems to be acting funny, and I'm still working the same shit job that's about to get slightly shittier.
They're relining the entire store, which basically means nobody is going to have any idea where the fuck anything is. Despite what they might claim, I think it's a less of way to make things more "efficient" and more of a way of making customers wander around more because they don't where the hell to find garbage bags. Perhaps I'm just cynical...
I was going to whine about something but I don't feel like it. I just figured it's been a while since my last entry.
Bon appétit. |
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| Writer's Block: 5//7//5 |
[Jul. 15th, 2009|10:38 pm] |
Sleeping off and on
While screwing around online
What a waste of life |
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| Post post posty post |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|07:54 am] |
I feel like it's been quite a while since I made an entry last, but it's not like anything terribly interesting has happened in that time or anything. Well...other than BlazBlue, but there's really not much to say about that. Aside from:
HOLY CRAP IT'S FUCKING AMAZING EVERYONE SHOULD PLAY IT WOW!
But that's really not important.
I think there was something I had been meaning to say (and/or whine about) on here, but I'm not entirely sure what. Could be that my mother phoned me a week or so ago and told me she had some "news" that she wanted to tell me in person. The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure I already know what her "news" is, and I'm amused that it took her so long to tell me herself. I honestly believe that I would be the last person to find out if it hadn't been for my brother and father and it makes me wonder what took her so long. It's as if she was somehow dreading the idea of telling me or something. Oh, I guess I should be more specific and stop babbling on about nothing.
My mother is getting remarried. Or so I hear.
Personally I don't see the point, especially given the current laws concerning common-law couples and the fact that the two of them have been shacking up for more than 3 years now. I guess to me it just seems like a wasted gesture and more like a pointless performance for family and friends. Guess that makes me "cynical" or something. Heh. It gets better though. If my sources are correct (which is quite likely), I've been told that my mom intends to get married at the GOLF COURSE of all places. Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this is extremely tacky. I mean, fucksakes, she might as well get married at the zoo and have an orangutan as the ring-bearer. I fail to see the difference.
Ugh. I'm tired. I still have things to do and I want sleep.
Shit sucks. |
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| Patience is overrated... |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|04:07 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | blazblue | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Thin RED Line - BlazBlue OST | ] |
Oh man...
So after getting another confirmation email from EB Games about BlazBlue after the whole fiasco with my prepaid card and then finally my grandparents' credit card, the game is finally HERE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Unfortunately I haven't got anything in my mailbox just yet and I'd be surprised (but not completely) if someone actually came to my door with the package. It'd save me a drive, which would be kinda nice but I'm not going to hold my breath. I just can't believe the game shipped so quickly! Now I want it...mmmmmmmm. I want it BAD!!!!
If you knew that I had been waiting for this game for over a year now you might understand my childish outbursts. Okay, even then you'd still think I was a nutjob...but I DON'T CARE! I want my damn BlazBlue...
*rocks back and forth* |
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| Fich der Polizei! |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|08:55 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'll Face Myself - Persona 4 OST | ] |
During work today, one of my female co-workers (the one that I have an...um..."interest" in) was telling me how she nearly died last night. Apparently while she was eating an ice cube (I assume it was from a drink) she managed to accidentally inhale it and began choking to death and actually passed out during the whole ordeal. She was at home and the rest of her family was asleep already and when she started choking she tried banging on the wall to get someone's attention, but nobody noticed before she lost consciousness. She insists that if it had been anything other than an ice cube that she would have actually died. I think she might be right.
After hearing this story, it made me realize that I've never had an honest-to-God near-death experience and for some sick reason, I feel as if I'm somehow "missing out" on something. I mean, there was one time that I decided to stick my head underwater without holding my breath (I won't elaborate unless someone asks...) but I hardly think that counts since I never reached the point where I had thought, "Holy shit. This is it. I'm going to die." I guess it's not something that one should WANT to experience by any means but...I have an unnatural fascination with death, I suppose. Or I just feel like it's one of those stories that everyone else has and I don't. Maybe that's it. *shrugs* I really have no idea. Anyway...
I spent a lot of time with the aforementioned girl (I'll hold off on using her name for a while) and I wouldn't be surprised if I came off as pretty damn creepy at times. I'm good at that, it seems. It's really too bad that a small part of me thinks that I "like" her, because I know nothing will ever come of it. I'm pretty sure that's not a bad thing, even if anyone else would disagree. I was going to detail the reasons why, but I don't feel like it. Of course...that's what I said about not wanting children last time, but look how that turned out.
On an unrelated note: lychee fruits look like testicles apparently.
You learn something new everyday. |
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| "Blood, sweat, and tears! Yes, yes, YES!" |
[Jun. 21st, 2009|12:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Written Invitation to Death - Romancing SaGa OST | ] |
Hehe. I love using random quotes for the name of my LJ entry. Okay, so I only started recently but whatever...it's still fun.
Summer just barely started over here and I'm already hating it. It's not like I ever DO anything during the summer that would make me all "excited" about it, so instead I'm left to roast my nuts off at home. I really need to get a fan or something...this is just ridiculous. Expect more of these types of entries until I DO get a fan.
I think I was going to rant about how much I dislike children and how I'm glad that I don't have any (that I have to worry about, anyway) but then I just...didn't feel like it. I found it funny how I was asked numerous times what it's like to be an uncle, because I honestly don't have an answer for those people. I hardly see my brother's kids and I think I'd like to keep it that way for a number of reasons.
1. My brother's live-in girlfriend is a psychotic, spoiled, irritating, overbearing, melodramatic bitch.
2. I'm fairly certain I will never like children because they are noisy, messy, and time-consuming, and quite honestly they bore me. I don't know how to amuse them and they don't amuse me.
3. Even if for some reason I DID manage to enjoy being around said children, my brother would only try to exploit that and use me as a free babysitter while he and is girlfriend fuck-off and do their own thing. No. Thanks.
Sometimes I think my brother actually cares about whether or not I spent time with his children, other than just wanting to use me as a babysitter and sometimes I almost feel bad for never seeing them. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it eventually, and maybe when his kids are old enough to do things that DON'T bore me I might give them a chance. I figure as an uncle it's not my "duty" to care about the kids. I didn't squirt the damn things out...
Wow. I sound like a prick. |
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| Writer's Block: Last Meal |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|02:55 am] |
Probably something so incredibly meaty, unhealthy and disgusting that no one else but myself would be able to stomach it. Like meatballs covered in bacon with cheese on a steak. Or something. If I know I'm gonna die, I might as well enjoy myself before then.
Fuck the health-freaks.
Fuck the vegetarians.
I'm going out with animal flesh in my teeth... |
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| Writer's Block: Comments Please |
[May. 28th, 2009|02:05 pm] |
The best thread was probably from when I mentioned how I got free Internet time at the library. I'm not entirely sure how to quote it or if I should post a link to the entry. Just as long as no one wanders further back into the murky abyss of my LJ, it's all good. *smirks*
For your enjoyment.
I also had a good quote on another one. Just as soon as I find it...
Them: My principal wrote in our yearbook that we should "Fly like a butterfly". I still haven't mastered flying. I feel like I've let him down.
Me: They also say we can "do anything we set out minds to". I haven't set anyone on fire yet...
Good times. |
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| The One Time I Wish I Had a Cell Phone... |
[May. 24th, 2009|07:19 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Winnipeg | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
So I went to see the movie "Terminator: Salvation" on Friday, and I must say that I enjoyed it. It's not the best movie I've ever seen, but I enjoyed it enough to recommend it to others and enough that I'd watch again. Then again, I watch movies that aren't that great multiple times as well so...I guess that's not really much of an indication of anything. *grins*
The highlight of my day actually came AFTER the movie was over and my friends were driving me home. I typed it out for a friend of mine on Gaia, so I kinda just copied and pasted it for everyone's (*looks at 3-person friend list*) viewing pleasure.
Enjoy.
"This dude was crossing the street at an intersection and a big, orange ball came from nowhere and bumped him in the leg. So the dude picks up the ball and looks around for any children who might have lost it, but there are none to be found so he stands around for a while deciding what to do before finally bracing the ball against the post for the turning lane signal so it doesn't roll back into the street. As he's about to cross the street, the wind takes the ball and starts blowing it back onto the street so he grabs it and tries for a few minutes to keep it propped against the post to no avail. He finally tries using a nearby sign that's been driven into the ground (it was for a garage sale or something) to hold the ball down, but the sign slides off of the metal stakes holding it in and he's left with the sign in his hand which he then feels guilty for. He spent the next few minutes trying to fix the sign, only to pull it out of the ground, and then use it as something to hold the ball in place. Me and my friends were laughing SO hard at the whole situation and I was so pissed off that neither of them had camera phones." |
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| *insert loon pun here* |
[May. 16th, 2009|09:50 pm] |
So as I was driving home from work today, I nearly ran over a pair of loons casually strutting across the highway. At first I saw them and thought, "What the hell is on the road?" Then the "OMG I'm going to hit them!" kicked in and for a second I thought, "I SHOULD hit them. Fucking birds..." I realize now that the only reason that I did apply the brakes at the last possible second was because I didn't want to risk damaging my vehicle somehow or have it covered in blood, shit, and feathers. I guess that goes to show how "caring" I am.
I've been meaning to make an LJ entry for a while, but I keep putting it off due to writer's block or things just screwing up on me. When things like that happen, I get REALLY pissed off with modern technology and I sometimes wonder why we place so much trust in it. Ah well, whatever. There are a few things I was going to mention that happened in the past, and I still feel I should mention them for some reason. Strange, I know.
I recently got back in touch with someone I hadn't spoken to since high school, which means it had been around 5 or so years. The conversation was interesting and then it suddenly "changed gears", if you will, and he asked me which drugs I had tried. I usually try my best to be honest about everything, so I told him I had a little bit of experience with cannabis and then we somehow got started into a conversation about perceived reality and the nature of the universe, or at least, the human understanding of it. It was a very odd conversation that made my brain ache, and he kept being a condescending prick the entire time...but that wasn't out of the ordinary for him. Definitely an interesting experience...
Ack, I was going to write about my first outing in a while with a member of the opposite sex, but I think I'm out of steam. Ah well. Maybe next time.
And maybe not. |
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| Writer's Block: Musical Affliction |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|06:59 pm] |
I've been listening to and watching Blazblue and Guilty Gear-related things all day. Not sure if that's exactly what one means by "earworm" but I'll go with that anyway.
Now for the punishment...
And this...
And I think that's enough for now. |
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| It seemed like a good idea at the time... |
[Apr. 24th, 2009|01:13 pm] |
It's been 4 weeks since I posted anything last and the truth is, not much has really happened since then. *smirks* That pretty much sums up my life in general, but I suppose I don't really have any cause for complaint other than the fact that I still need to find another job but have been too lazy to. No one's fault but my own, of course.
I preordered Blazblue the other day and I am quite excited about it. Well, currently I am busy being tired and all that but once I'm done with that...maybe.
My friend was just ranting to me about how another friend of his is going through relationship drama and it's the kind that has a way of driving one insane. I totally understand, I would probably get quite annoyed if I got dragged into someone else's shit as well. You know...the kind where the couple gets into huge fights semi-regularly and it's always the "last straw" and the next day they're back together again? Yeah, that kind.
I was looking through random LJs today to find people with similar "interests" (yes, I'm not elaborating) and I stumbled across one where a person was talking about their pain over losing their girlfriend (where have we heard THAT before?) and all that stuff and I noticed in the comments section how she had felt the need to anonymously reply to it and pretty much called him a loser in every sense of the word. It made me strongly consider making some of my entries private...
There have been a few days where I thought of something worth ranting about, but I never do it or I just forget what they were. Maybe another day I'll have something "worthwhile" to post.
Don't get your hopes up. |
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plaidknight's journal
apathetic